H&R BLOCK: DOLLLARS AND SENSE

Listening to teens

For most of us, talking about money is tough or seems impolite. Money is a taboo topic in our society. In fact, research shows people are more willing to talk about their sex lives than their financial situations.

Despite the discomfort, our teenagers need to be taught how to spend, save and give away money. If we don’t talk to them about money and model healthy financial behaviors for them, they will be more likely to make costly financial mistakes, which can set the stage for future financial stress.

Talking to teens about any topic can be tough. They are at an age that makes it challenging for parents to “educate” them about much of anything. In their search for an identity, it is normal for teenagers to resist, ignore or even challenge their parents’ wisdom and advice. As a result, sensitive topics like personal finance can require different conversational strategies to ensure a productive conversation.

First, don’t start by talking. Teens are accustomed to adults giving them advice and can quickly tune them out. Instead of talking right away, ask them to share what they already know. Hold off on giving advice, and just listen. Ask them questions, such as: “What is money?” “How do you think people get wealthy?” “What are your financial goals?” If they tell you what they really think, consider yourself lucky. It means they trust you enough to share their thoughts with you.

Many parents complain that their teenagers don’t talk to them about anything. When that occurs, it is often because teens are worried about their parents’ response, fearing they will be judged, criticized, ignored or punished. Instead of responding with your opinions, reflect back and summarize what you hear them saying, such as: “So you think that saving money is important, is that right?” Ask for clarification on things you don’t understand. Avoid being confrontational or challenging. Be curious and gentle. Pretend you are an objective investigative reporter.

If you spend time listening, you will model communication skills your teen will learn to emulate. Feeling heard feels good, and teens will be much more receptive to hearing what you have to say. If you do a good enough job of listening, they may even surprise you with what they already know and end up asking you even more.