We can’t afford to wait.
We educate our kids about the dangers of drugs and the importance of a healthy lifestyle. But as a culture we fail to educate them about money. Research shows that financial stress can be just as damaging to our health as smoking, heart disease or diabetes. We need to talk to our teenagers about money; their health may depend on it.
For most of us, talking about money to anyone – let alone our own teens – is tough. Money is a taboo topic in our society. We are often taught it is impolite to talk about money. In fact, research shows that people are more willing to talk about their sex lives than their own financial situation.
Most of us grew up in families that did not talk much about money, or at least didn’t talk about it in positive ways. Our parents and grandparents – with their pensions, the promise of social security, and the lack of availability of easy credit – probably didn’t think that education about personal finance was all that necessary. As parents ourselves, we didn’t grow up being taught about the specifics of money management. And as a result, we don’t know how or where to start talking to teens about it.
But times have changed. Our teenagers need to be taught how to spend, save and give away money responsibly. If we don’t talk to them about money now, and model healthy financial behaviors for them to see, they will be vulnerable to making costly financial mistakes in their own lives, which can set the stage for future financial stress.
Talking to teenagers about any topic can be tough. They are at an age that makes it a challenge for parents to “educate” them about much of anything. In their search for an identity, it is normal for teenagers to resist, ignore or even challenge their parents’ wisdom and advice. As a result, potentially sensitive topics like personal finance can require us to employ different conversational strategies before we can have productive conversations with them.
So how can you begin to talk to your teen about money? First, I suggest that you don’t talk to your teenager about money – or at least not right away. Teens are accustomed to parents and other adults giving them advice and can quickly tune them out. So instead of talking right away, start by asking them to share with you what they already know. Hold off on giving advice, and just listen. Ask them questions, such as: “What is money?” “How do you think people get wealthy?” “What are your financial goals?” If they tell you what they really think, consider yourself lucky. It means they trust you enough to share their thoughts with you. Accept their words as a gift.
Many parents complain that their teenagers don’t talk to them about anything. When that occurs, it is often because the teen is worried about their parents’ response, fearing they will be judged, criticized, ignored or punished. Instead of responding with your opinions, do something different. Reflect back and summarize what you hear them saying, like: “So you think that saving money is important, is that right?” Ask for clarification on things you don’t understand. Avoid being confrontational or challenging. Be curious and gentle. Pretend you are an objective investigative reporter.
If you spend time listening, you will model good communication skills that your teenager will learn to emulate. Feeling heard feels good, and your teen will be much more receptive to hearing what you have to say. If you do a good enough job of listening, they may end up asking you for the information you wanted them to know in the first place. They may even surprise you with what they already know.
If you do a good enough job of interviewing your teens and listening to them in an open and nonjudgmental manner, they are more likely to be open to your attempts to teach them.
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